And no, folks, this does not signal a weekly NASCAR thread. You may resume your Sunday alcohol consumption.
However, we have a couple of NASCAR fans on this Blog, and since unlike every other sport, NASCAR essentially begins its season with its signature “Super Bowl” of a race, I thought it might be entertaining to welcome it back with a thread hailing the Great American Race, the Daytona 500.
Except this year, they might as well rename it the “Danica 500.” In case you’ve been sitting on a hillside in the Catskills, you may have heard the big news that relatively new NASCAR driver and Go Daddy Girl Danica Patrick won the pole.
Meanwhile, there are drivers who have switched teams (most notably Matt Kenseth and Joey Logano) and there are distinct improvements to the race cars themselves. Of course, I suppose I’d be delusional to hope that the politically correct France family would dump the ethanol and the hybrid pace cars. Also, I’m not sure but I believe this will be the first year Ryan Newman will no longer have the U.S. Army as the chief sponsor of his 39 car. Because it was really important to cut “advertising” – especially to your target market – that is visible for four hours.
No, instead the race is all about how Danica is on the pole. It’s a major achievement for her. Actually, I’ve followed her career in NASCAR — it’d be a major achievement for her if she could finish a race without wrecking. I think she has one top 20 finish in her Sprint Cup career – because 20 of the cars behind her were wrecked and off the track. There’s nothing stellar about her racing ability, and she brings nothing but pretty to the sport. And yeah, if I had the requisite amount of testosterone, I can understand red-blooded males wanting to look at her rather than Mark Martin. Until you heard the words “Drivers – start your engines!”
Recently Darryl Waltrip, who started out in the “not bad” category when Fox Sports took to the broadcasting of the entire NASCAR season in 2001, has morphed instead into the most cloying, obnoxious and annoying twit in racing color commentary, took his head out of Kyle Busch’s ass long enough to pronounce Danica “the new face of NASCAR.” Ooookay. Danica, by the way, finished 17th in the Budwieser “Duel” on Thursday – which determines the remainder of the field after positions 1 and 2. Of course, the drooling NASCAR writers said her abysmal performance was due to the fact that “she was saving her car.” Of course, how could I have missed it – “She MEANT to finish so poorly!” If it was all about saving her car, why didn’t she just move to the rear where she’d really be safe?
Which is why I won’t be watching any pre-race coverage today, and plan to keep the big screen on mute until I see the green flag drop after a couple pace laps. Because, pre-race coverage will be limited to the following:
1. They will be mentioning every three minutes that Danica has the pole.
2. That they will ask every driver they interview how important is it that Danica has the pole.
3. That they will interview Danica every fifteen minutes about how she has the pole. And they will show at least three times the qualifying run where Danica got the pole.
4. They will start an online poll and Twitter hashtag asking viewers how important is it that Danica has the pole.
5. We will hear every statistic imaginable about how many times the pole sitter has won the Daytona (17% by the way) and why it’s probable that Danica could join that fraternity.
Of course, after the green flag drops and seventeen drivers pass Danica before the end of the first lap, we’ll hear that no one expected her to do that well anyway….
In the meantime, if you watch the race and have no driver in particular to root for, may I put in a pitch for my guy, Tony Stewart, in the No. 14 car. And I apologize in advance for his Office Depot commercials.
All this talk of Danica Patrick and poles is getting my tires warm!!
Bumr50 wrote:
With Danica, we don’t need “vah-agruh”!
Hate to bust your Bubble Carolina Girl but, she was at the very back. She was 17th because all the rest were in the two big wrecks. Hell, her partial owner Gene Hass wanted her to do one lap and park it!
NASCAR uses Danica Patrick the same way that the PGA
uses Tiger, to promote the sport.
The difference is that Tiger has a resume.
She may one day, but right now it is about gender &
good looks.
I’m not a big fan of roundy round stuff…but it’s loud, fast, colorful
and by golly I just dig racing…when I hit the lotto, I’m gonna buy me a COPO Camaro and we’ll all go for a ride in a rolling legend…as for Danica, I’d like to see her win it…gurlz go fast too
NASCAR: Yee. Haw.
Laleh Seddigh Iran’t “little Schumacher”
Turn left, turn left, turn left… Yawn… Turn left, turn left, turn left… snooze… WHAT somebody crashed… Turn left, turn left, turn left… is it over yet?
Give me 3 second of pure adrenalin pumping nitro-methane terror any day…
doriangrey wrote:
/don’t you get a thrill over how fast they can change the tires? That always blows me away
@ doriangrey:
That’s why the only races I watch are the road races.
Left AND right turns. And crashes.
@ doriangrey:
Way to loose your ability to strategize and problem solve.
Just push the pedal and go straight.
mfhorn wrote:
all left turns and crashes… just like congress.
@ RIX:
Danica Patrick is the Maria Sharapova of racing.
@ Guggi:
I’m sure this will make it all better:
@ lobo91:
There was never any question he’d be confirmed…
Mike C. wrote:
Maybe not, they still don’t have 60 votes…
Mike C. wrote:
Of course not, since basic competence is no longer a requirement.
And on the topic of the thread, Danica Patrick maintained her perfect losing record.
lobo91 wrote:
don’t kid yourself it’s not about competence it’s about ideology… he is perfectly competent to do O’s evil bidding.
lobo91 wrote:
she a. finished & b. will make more money on endorsements than the 2nd, 3rd, & 4th place male finishers combined… it’s not winning but it ain’t losing either.
@ lobo91:
More & more, America is becoming a Kakistocracy.
mfhorn wrote:
I maintain the least principled yes, least qualified not so much… they are destroying the country faster than anyone thought possible.
Flying pig moment:
@ brookly red:
I guess it depends on how you define ‘qualified’.
This morning, our pastor gave a few examples of personnel reviews. ‘Since last review, this employee has reached rock bottom & started to dig’; ‘I would not allow this employee to reproduce’; and ‘This employee consistently sets low standards for themselves & fails to achieve them’ leap to mind when describing the Obama team.
lobo91 wrote:
and in other news MB battles AQ for a trip to the Caliphate Bowl…
@ lobo91:
Flying pig over a blue moon.
When you guys get tired of the Danica Patrick non-event, I put up a gun thread in Headlines.
mfhorn wrote:
I define qualified as being able to accomplish the assigned task. The task defines the qualifications.
In this case the task is to destroy America and plunge the world into satanic globalism. Hench this group is exceedingly well qualified.
brookly red wrote:
Which version of The Muslim National Anthem™ will reign supreme? Stay tuned and pass the popcorn!
A “nice” family the Pitorius family:
Oscar Pistorius’ Brother Carl Faces Culpable Homicide Charge in 2008 Death
@ Guggi:
I thought it was interesting when it came out that the guy investigating the case was also facing homicide charges.
Is there anyone in South Africa who isn’t?
@ lobo91:
I’m sure the ANC is laughing their asses off at all this….
lobo91 wrote:
Women shouldn’t come near to this family. Stay away from the Pistorius family
South Africa is a hell-hole
lobo91 wrote:
Exactly.
@ brookly red:
In that case, they’re highly qualified.
Depressing qualifications though, no?
RIX wrote:
Although Sharapova has finally started winning some tournaments.
If you look at what Google shows for images for either of them, though, one thing stands out: About half the pictures of each of them involve bikinis or underwear.
@ lobo91:
Not that I’m complaining, mind you…
They’re both eye candy, particularly Sharapova.
I would rather watch her than either of the Williams sisters.
Those are frightening women.
@ RIX:
I didn’t realize how young Sharapova is. It seems like she’s been around forever, but she’s only 25.
She must have started doing all those ads and stuff when she was in high school.
Derek Jeter’s GF (DirecTV Genie) Hannah Davis is hawt.
Probably & she would not be the first to start that young.
They start these kids so young that they are too little to hit
a traditional backhand. That’s why even when they become
adults they two hand their backhand.
There was a time when NASCAR racing was relevant, back in the day when the cars going round the track were the same as you could buy in the dealers’ showrooms.
Now they are driving the roundy-round equivalent of funny cars; out-and-out race cars that aren’t remotely streetable. Hell, the damn headlights are decals. Back in the early days of stock car racing, the poorer drivers drove their cars to the track, pried off the hubcaps, taped up the headlights, and went racing.
Modern NASCAR racing is an entertainment spectacle, but the cars aren’t stock cars anymore; they aren’t even believable imitations of stock cars.
Maybe we need a new stock car racing series. How about figure-8 races with Chevy Volts? Should be a thrill a minute.
@ Alberta Oil Peon:
With all green and progressive drivers of course
Bumr50 wrote:
Yes, most of the women in the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition are…
Still no switching to DirecTV, though.
State Dept. scrambles to salvage Kerry’s meeting with Syrian rebel coalition
The Country is in the very best of hands…
Guggi wrote:
And it was Western Liberals that made it so.
It’s unfortunate that the farm murders are not getting anywhere near the American and European media exposure that this ‘roid rage killing by a pampered athlete is.
Patrick finished 8th which is not bad and ran in on the final lap. She says she felt inexperience on the final lap. Give her credit for analyzing that and taking responsibility. She sets a better example for the Obama malaise type of thinking.
People who steer large machines into tight small corners always amaze me. It’s a different type of consciousnesses to helm an aircraft carrier and have wisdom on the metal one stands on and the elements pushing against you.
Much easier to sit behind a TV and swear.
@ 48 Da_Beerfreak: Can’t Hilary just go hit the reset button again?
@ darkwords:
I did the Richard Petty Experience thing last time I was in Vegas.
It’s scary enough when there are only a couple of other cars on the track with you. I can’t imagine doing it with dozens.
darkwords wrote:
Sure, but she’s now charging $200,000.00 just to show up now that she’e a private citizen again…
@ Da_Beerfreak:
Plus the price of a couple of pant suits
waldensianspirit wrote:
Ain’t dat da truth…
The Osprey wrote:
What farm murders/
Ya, but…
It would only last a min. or two and the battery pack would blow on all of them. Stand still raceing not so much fun.
Could be fun if they then got out and in a fight about who hooked the battery cables up backwards….@ Alberta Oil Peon:
eaglesoars wrote:
If the Lame Stream Obamamedia (LSO) doesn’t report it; it didn’t happen.
been there got done that way,
back in the wild time of tfk, a wild bunch of us had a sprint car,
only thing is we were unknowns and had no buddies, end of the race like today the guys who had made deals about who got the finish in the top 4 or 5 worked together and piss ants like us got run off the track by some looser they paid to wreck us.
This time the boys worked her over good, she will have to get some help, and looks like she is working one of them now with the dates and stuff. Her car owner will have to put three or four cars out with the same fast and get two or three of them on the last lap…@ darkwords:
brookly red wrote:
Football would lose something in translation to Muslim cultures, given that they don’t permit betting.
@ taxfreekiller:
Lol tfk, well written as usual!
Moe Katz wrote:
Switch in a goat’s head for the pigskin and they’ll play allah’s way
@ 59 taxfreekiller: Interesting that that experience means having a gang on the track. She needs to do some off season wiles.
I’ve got the Oscars on mute. The two women who won for hair and makeu (les miserables) don’t seem to have any idea how to do their own.
@ eaglesoars:
Of course not. Everything is reversed in the mirror
waldensianspirit wrote:
HAW!!
@ eaglesoars:
Is Anne Hathaway wearing clothes?
lobo91 wrote:
I doubt it.
brookly red wrote:
LOL…it’s the path the USA and the EU are on…
Bumr50 wrote:
Could have knocked me over with a feather!
lobo91 wrote:
Yes. A spaghetti strap pink number with too much side boob for me -- but a drop dead necklace
i used to make fun of nascar. then i went to pocono and saw a race there.
WOW!!! i’m sold!
eaglesoars wrote:
I guess I made the right choice in sticking with The Walking Dead, then.
lobo91 wrote:
Dumbass. You’re missing Nicole Kidman
coldwarrior wrote:
We’ll make Southerners out of you Pennsyltuckians yet!
Streisand has had her face taped for this event
eaglesoars wrote:
and is the necklace a pearl one?
Macker wrote:
diamonds
Oh goody Django Unchained just won for best original screenplay -- you know -- the movie where Jamie Fox gets to kill all the white people
Jane Fonda’s dress is from Battlestar Gallactica
eaglesoars wrote:
This would be why I haven’t watched the Oscars since the mid-90s
Growing up in NC I did in my late teens beat and bash on what NASCAR now calls Home Tracks. As a point of fact one of the track was the old Concord dirt track where I bumped fenders with another Kannapolis kid two years my junior by the name of Dale Earnhardt.
Crap a buddy of mine and I even helped him work on his electrical systems!
That being said, I found I never had the talent to be a top level driver but, I did learn to recognize those who might be! Thus I say, get off of Danica’s back until She has at least one full season at the top level of a tough fucking sport!
I would be flat on my back creaming in my jeans if I had just finished in the Top Ten at the Daytona 500!
But I guess as it has been said, “Haters Gotta Hate!”
@ Bumr50:
I knew there would be ppl who just had to crack on my girl Danica about being on the pole, I even ~snickered~ once, but damn ppl, she earned that spot and improud and hope she does awesome this year………Go my new favorite driver……..;)
@ Bumr50:
I knew there would be ppl who just had to crack on my girl Danica about being on the pole, I even ~snickered~ once, but damn ppl, she earned that spot and improud and hope she does awesome this year………Go my new favorite driver……..;)
@ lobo91:
Sorry lobo, but give her time, I hope and pray she shuts up you anti women ppl and wins 3 to 5 wins this year…….Go Danica……………:-)
@ AZOlddog:
Amen brother, amen……………:)
eaglesoars wrote:
If you mean this dress, then yes, she kinda looks like a knuckle dragger!
Angrymike wrote:
Why Thank Yee Sir! And as I have never seen you before (I ain’t the most regular around here) may I provide you with a Provisional Welcome. If I is wrong don’t beat on me please!