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Juche: Unicorn Lair found in North Korea

by Rodan ( 87 Comments › )
Filed under Humor, North Korea at March 12th, 2013 - 7:00 am

KoreanUnicorns

When North Korea is not threatening war they are a hysterical nation. Their Juche belief system is so unreal that it makes UFO conspiracies look rational.

In a stunning archeological find, North Korea has discovered a Unicon lair. You read that correctly, North Korea claims to have found the existence of Unicorns. They claim this find proves Pyongyang was the ancient Capital of Korea.

Normally, North Korea‘s official state news agency is the place to go for reports ranging from the reclusive totalitarian state’s unparalleled scientific achievements to the limitless love which its inhabitants reserve for their successive leaders.

Yet in what appears to be a genuine world exclusive, the inimitable Korean Central News Agency (KCNA) has now broken the incredible news that archaeologists in Pyongyang have discovered a unicorn’s lair.

Or rather, the report says that they have “recently reconfirmed” the lair of one of the unicorns ridden by the ancient Korean King Tongmyong, founder of a kingdom which ruled parts of China and the Korean peninsula from the the 3rd century BC to 7th century AD.

JucheUnicorn

No word yet if the Korean Unicorn lair was the birth place of Dennis Rodman. The Juche religion is just funny as hell! It even includes Unicorns!

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87 Responses to “Juche: Unicorn Lair found in North Korea”
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  1. MikeA
    1 | March 12, 2013 8:08 am

    Didn’t Voldemort drink unicorn blood in the Harry Potter movies / books? That ended badly… just saying…


  2. 2 | March 12, 2013 8:39 am

    @ MikeA:

    I think they found Rodman’s birth place!


  3. eaglesoars
    3 | March 12, 2013 8:45 am

    Hey Rodan: Michelle Malkin has a piece on an opt-out form for Common Core and a lot of other good links about CSCOPE


  4. coldwarrior
    4 | March 12, 2013 8:45 am

    juche is a religion, the norks are religious fanatics


  5. eaglesoars
    5 | March 12, 2013 8:47 am

    Hey Rodan

    Check out Michelle Malkin’s piece. Parents can now opt out of the Common Core crap and she’s got a lot of other good CSCOPE links


  6. eaglesoars
    6 | March 12, 2013 8:48 am

    ok there’s a delay in loading -- sorry for the double post


  7. 7 | March 12, 2013 9:00 am

    @ eaglesoars:

    Good, I am glad this information is getting out there.


  8. 8 | March 12, 2013 9:01 am

    coldwarrior wrote:

    juche is a religion, the norks are religious fanatics

    The Unicorn story is the icing of the cake.


  9. 9 | March 12, 2013 9:02 am

    eaglesoars wrote:

    ok there’s a delay in loading — sorry for the double post

    Caca Occurs!


  10. 10 | March 12, 2013 9:03 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    It’s due to the mystical powers of Juche!


  11. 11 | March 12, 2013 9:04 am

    Meanwhile, infringement is the order of the day for CO residents…

    http://www.foxnews.com/politics/2013/03/12/colorado-senate-approves-gun-control-package/


  12. eaglesoars
    12 | March 12, 2013 9:05 am

    back to bed (fighting a cold)


  13. coldwarrior
    13 | March 12, 2013 9:07 am

    you, madame, are a loose impediment. something to be removed from the course of play.

    A Maryland woman was shocked after she received a traffic ticket — but it wasn’t for speeding.

    In fact, she was driving 2 mph under the speed limit.

    She was driving in the left lane of I-95 on Laurel last Friday when she was pulled over and cited for failing to move right. According to the citation, she had been driving 63 mph in a 65 mph zone.

    The woman, who didn’t want her name used, says she’s never gotten a ticket before.

    “[I was] really shocked,” she told News4. “I thought, ‘Oh my God, you’ve got to be kidding me’.”

    63 in the left lane of the 95 corridor???? she is a danger to herself and others. i wonder how many cars this twit had stacked up behind her before she got pulled over? i guarantee this is one of those drivers with ZERO situational awareness. this selfish unaware bitch ruined a lot of mornings by being a twit.

    here is the lesson for today: speed does not cause accidents. the difference in speed does. she is going 63 in a lane where 85 is the norm. she is a danger to other motorists and should be removed.


  14. 14 | March 12, 2013 9:10 am

    @ Rodan:
    Works for me! :)


  15. 15 | March 12, 2013 9:10 am

    @ coldwarrior:

    If speed caused accidents, the Autobahn would be a death trap. Instead its one of the safest roads.


  16. 16 | March 12, 2013 9:10 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    This Juche belief system of North Korea is just crazy. Apparitions, crying bears and now Unicorns!


  17. 17 | March 12, 2013 9:11 am

    @ coldwarrior:
    She is why SLM’s should be Legal for Civilians!


  18. 18 | March 12, 2013 9:12 am

    @ Rodan:
    If you are doing 63 in the Left lane of an Autobhan you are fixing to get nuged HARD!


  19. 19 | March 12, 2013 9:13 am

    AZOlddog wrote:

    @ Rodan:
    If you are doing 63 in the Left lane of an Autobhan you are fixing to get nuged HARD!

    Its basically suicide!


  20. coldwarrior
    20 | March 12, 2013 9:14 am

    Rodan wrote:

    @ coldwarrior:
    If speed caused accidents, the Autobahn would be a death trap. Instead its one of the safest roads.

    german drivers are far superior to american drivers. it isnt even close.


  21. 21 | March 12, 2013 9:14 am

    @ Mike C.:
    Shall no be infringed
    Gun rights are civil rights. Those who would infringe on them are vioating Civil Rights. I don’t know how to more bluntly put it,


  22. waldensianspirit
    22 | March 12, 2013 9:16 am

    Buzzsaw needs to write a ballad about Un having the time of his live


  23. 23 | March 12, 2013 9:17 am

    @ coldwarrior:

    The Juche Unicorn to me is a classic. They probably will next claim that Kim Il SUng appears as a Dragon at night!


  24. coldwarrior
    24 | March 12, 2013 9:17 am

    AZOlddog wrote:

    @ Rodan:
    If you are doing 63 in the Left lane of an Autobhan you are fixing to get nuged HARD!

    its a large fine and a suspension of license


  25. 25 | March 12, 2013 9:17 am

    @ waldensianspirit:

    This unicorn story is cracking me up.


  26. 26 | March 12, 2013 9:18 am

    @ Iron Fist:

    Like the Democrats in the CO state legislature give a crap about that… None of them even spoke to the points raised by Republicans. Hell, they already had the votes, so why bother?

    Live by the trendy, die by the trendy…


  27. coldwarrior
    27 | March 12, 2013 9:20 am

    Rodan wrote:

    @ coldwarrior:
    The Juche Unicorn to me is a classic. They probably will next claim that Kim Il SUng appears as a Dragon at night!

    they have the samhung stone. so back off!

    :lol:


  28. 28 | March 12, 2013 9:21 am

    @ Mike C.:

    Live by the knife, die bye the knife.

    I say kill them.


  29. 29 | March 12, 2013 9:21 am

    @ coldwarrior:
    If you are German YES, Americans got taken to the nearest MP station and read the riot act!

    Me, I loved doing 150 MPH in the Left lane! And it was LEGAL yahoos!

    Just move right when that BMW appeared in your rear-view blinking the lights!


  30. 30 | March 12, 2013 9:24 am

    Iron Fist wrote:

    @ Mike C.:
    Live by the knife, die bye the knife.
    I say kill them.

    Patience, weedhopper…


  31. coldwarrior
    31 | March 12, 2013 9:25 am

    AZOlddog wrote:

    @ coldwarrior:
    If you are German YES, Americans got taken to the nearest MP station and read the riot act!
    Me, I loved doing 150 MPH in the Left lane! And it was LEGAL yahoos!
    Just move right when that BMW appeared in your rear-view blinking the lights!

    i was going about 130 in west germany in the right lane and got passed by something red.

    it was red. and that is all i can figure out


  32. 32 | March 12, 2013 9:27 am

    @ Mike C.:

    I’m an impatient motherfucker…


  33. 33 | March 12, 2013 9:29 am

    @ Iron Fist:

    Soon…


  34. 34 | March 12, 2013 9:30 am

    @ Mike C.:

    :)


  35. 35 | March 12, 2013 9:32 am

    @ coldwarrior:
    You have to remember I was a tired Old E-7 with a Wife working in Berlin. We had a German Spec. VW Station Wagon so we could take the Dobe down to Munich to see his Momma and our American friends who owned her!

    150 in the Laeft lane meant I was tired and had backed off a bit! That Red thing if it was not low slung, might have been us! Selling that VW before we left was one of the hardest things I ever did. It however was as I said German Specs!


  36. 36 | March 12, 2013 9:32 am

    @ coldwarrior:

    Juche is the funniest religion ever.


  37. RIX
    37 | March 12, 2013 9:32 am

    Good morning. The Chicago Tribune is reporting that Police Chief Gary McCarthy
    is now crcking down on crime.
    No, not gang gun violence. The police will now crack down onn unpaid tickets
    for public urination & gambling.
    He calls it his “broken windows policy.”


  38. coldwarrior
    38 | March 12, 2013 9:33 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    i think it was a gt-40


  39. 39 | March 12, 2013 9:35 am

    coldwarrior wrote:

    @ AZOlddog:
    i think it was a gt-40

    You just wave at those as they go by!


  40. 40 | March 12, 2013 9:35 am

    @ RIX:

    That’s what the police need those MRAPs for…


  41. 41 | March 12, 2013 9:37 am

    @ RIX:

    He’s getting tough. Public urination is a big deal. Do I need the [/sarc]

    They’ll put you in jail for public urination around here.


  42. 42 | March 12, 2013 9:41 am

    @ RIX:

    Hey its a start!


  43. 43 | March 12, 2013 9:45 am

    Rodan wrote:

    @ coldwarrior:
    Juche is the funniest religion ever.

    Well, if you equate oppressive, repressive and cruel to funny then I will agree with you!

    North Korea would best serve the Earth by becoming a short live Radioactive Cloud! Want me to get more explicit? My Dad died in his old age with a Korean bullet in his body that was just to close to the spine to mess with!

    I told my Branch Assignment NCO that He might as well send me straight to Leavenworth before he gave me orders to Berlin! He sent me to Panama!


  44. RIX
    44 | March 12, 2013 9:47 am

    Mike C. wrote:

    @ RIX:

    That’s what the police need those MRAPs for…

    Oh yeah.


  45. 45 | March 12, 2013 9:48 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    The Juche cult is just out there. I’m shock they do not claim that the Kim family rides UFOs.


  46. RIX
    46 | March 12, 2013 9:48 am

    Rodan wrote:

    @ RIX:

    Hey its a start!

    He has a strategery.


  47. 47 | March 12, 2013 9:53 am

    Crap I meant orders to Korea. Autobahn on the Brain! PIMF you Idiot!


  48. 48 | March 12, 2013 9:54 am

    @ Rodan:
    I am surprised they do not claim He built the damn UFO!

    With his bare hands!

    In his sleep!


  49. coldwarrior
    49 | March 12, 2013 9:56 am

    In 1994, it was reported by Pyongyang media outlets that Kim Jong Il shot 38 under par on a regulation 18-hole golf course – including 5 holes in one! That score is 25 shots better than the best round in history, and is made even more amazing by the fact that it was his first time playing the sport. It’s said Kim Jong Il would routinely sink 3 or 4 holes in one per round of golf, and – lucky for the PGA – he has since given it up.

    North Korean golfing legend (and oppressive dictator) Kim Jong Il passed away over the weekend. He was just 69 years old, but laid claim to golfing skills that would make greats like Jack Nicklaus, Tiger Woods and Walter Hagen weep with envy.

    Back in 1994, the man set a record that is likely to stand forever. Playing his first round of golf on a regulation, PGA-style, 18-hole course, Kim Jong Il scored 11 holes-in-one while he carded a stunning 38 UNDER par. Seventeen bodyguards were on hand to witness and attest the score. Regarding the 11 holes-in-one on a single round, that feat will only be repeated on putt-putt golf courses as most regulation-sized courses typically have only four holes short enough to reasonably be considered candidates for scoring an ace.


  50. 50 | March 12, 2013 9:56 am

    Rand Paul: Time to bring troops home, cut foreign aid, and fix entitlements

    Reacting to the news that Afghan president Hamid Karzai believes the U.S. government is behind the latest series of Taliban attacks, Sen. Paul rebuked the comments as “disrespectful” and “troubling.”

    “We’re asked to send our young men and women over there to lose their lives and we’re treated with disrespect by our allies, so find it very troubling,” he told host Wolf Blitzer.

    He then called for an end to the war in Afghanistan: “I think we’ve accomplished our goals there. We got [Osama] bin Laden. We disrupted the Taliban that was harboring him. We disrupted the government that was harboring him. I think we’ve achieved our goals, and I think it is time to come home.”


  51. 51 | March 12, 2013 9:57 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    The weeping bears when Kim Jung Il dies really was over the top for me.


  52. 52 | March 12, 2013 10:00 am

    @ coldwarrior:

    He’s the greatest golfer!


  53. 53 | March 12, 2013 10:08 am

    Rodan wrote:

    @ coldwarrior:
    He’s the greatest golfer!

    And the rumor that he had jet assisted clubs is just that a Western rumor to discredit him! /Do I really need this sarc tag?


  54. 54 | March 12, 2013 10:15 am

    coldwarrior wrote:

    juche is a religion, the norks are religious fanatics

    OK! Juche vs. Islam: Who Wins? :)


  55. 55 | March 12, 2013 10:18 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    According to Korea news, he still appears in dreams and his face was even seen on mars!


  56. 56 | March 12, 2013 10:19 am

    @ Macker:

    Juche!


  57. 57 | March 12, 2013 10:20 am

    @ Macker:
    Islam is the supreme religion.


  58. 58 | March 12, 2013 10:25 am

    @ Iron Fist:

    Although 72 Virgins have nothing on Crying bears and Unicorns!

    :lol:


  59. 59 | March 12, 2013 10:27 am

    @ Rodan:

    Oh, no, great group sex outdeos bears. Bears are just furries, really. Group sex outdoes that.


  60. buzzsawmonkey
    60 | March 12, 2013 10:30 am

    Between the unicorns, the golf, and the lousy economy, it seems that achieving North Korea here at home is the Obama ideal.


  61. 61 | March 12, 2013 10:33 am

    Iron Fist wrote:

    @ Rodan:
    Oh, no, great group sex outdeos bears. Bears are just furries, really. Group sex outdoes that.

    :lol:


  62. 62 | March 12, 2013 10:34 am

    @ buzzsawmonkey:

    We are in the beginning stages of a Juche cult here in America. People already have declared Obama a god.


  63. Speranza
    63 | March 12, 2013 10:38 am

    Anyone here ever eat Kimche? Yikes that cabbage is hot and spicy!


  64. Speranza
    64 | March 12, 2013 10:39 am

    buzzsawmonkey wrote:

    Between the unicorns, the golf, and the lousy economy, it seems that achieving North Korea here at home is the Obama ideal.

    All we need is starving people and some concentration camps.
    Btw i am not looking forward to Obama’s trip to Israel.


  65. Speranza
    65 | March 12, 2013 10:40 am

    Rodan wrote:

    @ buzzsawmonkey:
    We are in the beginning stages of a Juche cult here in America. People already have declared Obama a god.

    Will “Dreams From My Father” be the new “Little Red Book” where we have to memorize entire passages?


  66. Speranza
    66 | March 12, 2013 10:41 am

    Rodan wrote:

    @ coldwarrior:
    He’s the greatest golfer!

    The Perfect American -- Chwissy Matthews says so!


  67. 67 | March 12, 2013 10:41 am

    @ Speranza:

    Neither it seems the Palestinian branch of the Muslim Brotherhood akak Hamas.

    Hamas: ‘Declaration Of War’ If Obama Visits Temple Mount

    WASHINGTON (CBSDC/AP) — Hamas is warning that if President Obama visits the Temple Mount it would be a “declaration of war” against the Islamic world.

    Israel National News reports the terror group made the threat during a protest march at the religious site following riots on Friday.

    Mushir al-Masri, a Hamas spokesman, called for a third intifada if Obama visits the contested religious site in Jerusalem’s Old City between Israelis and Muslims.


  68. 68 | March 12, 2013 10:41 am

    @ Rodan:
    Well, that definition of Odumbo is three letters! The one I would prefer to use is five letters! Also, do not guess in public.


  69. 69 | March 12, 2013 10:42 am

    @ Speranza:

    Probably once OFA gets done with things. Its already socially unacceptable to be against Obama. He really is America’s first god-king.


  70. 70 | March 12, 2013 10:43 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    We are seeing the rise of a cult here. I am not joking. The adulation Americans have for Obama is something I have never seen in my life. He can kill a child in cold blood on TV and the people will cheer!


  71. 71 | March 12, 2013 10:45 am

    Speranza wrote:

    Anyone here ever eat Kimche? Yikes that cabbage is hot and spicy!

    Love kimche, or at least the varieties I’ve tried. There are hundreds, at the least. Old college buddy of mine brought back a Korean wife as a souvenir of two army tours in Korea, and she used to pot-hole his back yard in Oklahoma, burying kimche pots (actually gallon jars.) Hers hwas pretty damned good. Spices excepted, it’s essentially saurkraut -- pickled cabbage. Pickled radishes are pretty tasty as well -- used to eat those for breakfast in Korla, to the astonishment of bot the native and expat staff members. Tasted pretty good to me.


  72. buzzsawmonkey
    72 | March 12, 2013 10:53 am

    Rodan wrote:

    People already have declared Obama a god.

    Small people prefer a god that is even smaller than they are.


  73. 73 | March 12, 2013 10:55 am

    @ Rodan:
    Oh, I agrre with you! Thats why I prefer my definition.


  74. buzzsawmonkey
    74 | March 12, 2013 10:56 am

    Speranza wrote:

    Btw i am not looking forward to Obama’s trip to Israel.

    I would like to see Israel unilaterally announce that it recognizes Jordan as the only legitimate “Palestinian Arab” state, and announce further that it will be issuing a timetable for the program to assist all “Palestinian Arabs” in exercising their “right to return” to Jordan.

    I would like to see this happen right about the time that Obama is sullying the Western Wall with his smirking presence.

    I have a dream.


  75. coldwarrior
    75 | March 12, 2013 10:57 am

    Speranza wrote:

    Anyone here ever eat Kimche? Yikes that cabbage is hot and spicy!

    mmmmm kimche!


  76. buzzsawmonkey
    76 | March 12, 2013 10:57 am

    Speranza wrote:

    Will “Dreams From My Father” be the new “Little Red Book” where we have to memorize entire passages?

    Dog will be eaten at a ritual meal on Obama’s birthday.


  77. 77 | March 12, 2013 10:59 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    it’s scary!


  78. 78 | March 12, 2013 11:00 am

    @ buzzsawmonkey:

    Charles Johnson will dutifully comply.


  79. Speranza
    79 | March 12, 2013 11:04 am

    coldwarrior wrote:

    Speranza wrote:
    Anyone here ever eat Kimche? Yikes that cabbage is hot and spicy!

    mmmmm kimche!

    Pure torture.


  80. Speranza
    80 | March 12, 2013 11:05 am

    buzzsawmonkey wrote:

    I would like to see Israel unilaterally announce that it recognizes Jordan as the only legitimate “Palestinian Arab” state, and announce further that it will be issuing a timetable for the program to assist all “Palestinian Arabs” in exercising their “right to return” to Jordan.

    I would like to see this happen right about the time that Obama is sullying the Western Wall with his smirking presence.

    I have a dream.

    He was at the Western Wall in 2008, I doubt he will return.


  81. Speranza
    81 | March 12, 2013 11:06 am

    Mike C. wrote:

    Love kimche, or at least the varieties I’ve tried. There are hundreds, at the least. Old college buddy of mine brought back a Korean wife as a souvenir of two army tours in Korea, and she used to pot-hole his back yard in Oklahoma, burying kimche pots (actually gallon jars.) Hers hwas pretty damned good. Spices excepted, it’s essentially saurkraut — pickled cabbage. Pickled radishes are pretty tasty as well — used to eat those for breakfast in Korla, to the astonishment of bot the native and expat staff members. Tasted pretty good to me.

    Not a huge fan of hot and spicy food.


  82. 82 | March 12, 2013 11:07 am

    Rodan wrote:

    @ buzzsawmonkey:
    Charles Johnson will dutifully comply.

    And I should give a shit what selrahC thinks why?


  83. buzzsawmonkey
    83 | March 12, 2013 11:09 am

    Speranza wrote:

    He was at the Western Wall in 2008, I doubt he will return.

    Stopping at the Western Wall is practically de rigueur for any American politician visiting Israel, whether they’ve done it before or not. And if he wants to hit the Temple Mount he’d have to swing by, so he’d naturally go for the photo-op. In the meantime:

    Jerusalem
    —apologies to William Blake and “Jerusalem”

    And did those feet, ere election
    Once walk before the Western Wall?
    And did the president-to-be
    E’en then plan Netanyahu’s fall?

    Did his anti-colonial mind
    Then clench the fist of his left hand
    And dream Jerusalem held entire
    By murderous Palestinians?

    “Bring me my club of foreign aid!
    “Bring appeasement to the UN!
    “Bring a blind eye now to al-Qaed’!
    “Bring the old borders up again!

    “I will not cease to temporize
    “Nor oppose nuclear Iran
    “Till Arabs wrest Jerusalem
    “From Israel’s devastated land.”


  84. 84 | March 12, 2013 11:10 am

    @ AZOlddog:

    he admitted to eating Dog!


  85. 85 | March 12, 2013 11:11 am

    @ Speranza:

    Not a huge fan of hot and spicy food.

    Oh dear. Well, that probably eliminates some potential vacation spots, or will at least force you to be careful what you order there. My wife swears to this day that I tried to kill her the first dinner we ate when she came to visit me in Beijing.

    I does like me some kimche, though…


  86. coldwarrior
    86 | March 12, 2013 11:26 am

    Speranza wrote:

    coldwarrior wrote:
    Speranza wrote:
    Anyone here ever eat Kimche? Yikes that cabbage is hot and spicy!
    mmmmm kimche!

    Pure torture.

    :lol:

    as i start to munch on a plate of spicy chicken tikka.


  87. Speranza
    87 | March 12, 2013 12:05 pm

    Mike C. wrote:

    Oh dear. Well, that probably eliminates some potential vacation spots, or will at least force you to be careful what you order there. My wife swears to this day that I tried to kill her the first dinner we ate when she came to visit me in Beijing.

    I does like me some kimche, though…

    I had kimche in “Little Korea” near Times Square and all I could say was “Water!”.


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