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Posts Tagged ‘Humor’

Canada Considers Fence On Southern Border To Stem Wave Of Illegal Immigration

by Bunk X ( 4 Comments › )
Filed under America, Canada, Elections 2010, Elections 2012, Humor, immigration, Immigration, Mexico, Politics, Russia, Satire, Special Report at November 22nd, 2014 - 10:54 pm

CAUTION

Mexico allows Central and South American immigrants to pass through her borders on 72 hour visas, and most of those people are headed for the porous southern border of the US. As these illegal immigrants pour in, local pressure builds, and now there’s another movement happening at the US – Canadian Border. Canadians don’t like it.

US Canada Border Fence

Here’s the full transcript from The Manitoba Herald 1 December 2010:

Border Fence Proposed
by Clive Runnels
The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The recent actions of the Tea Party and the fact Republicans won the Senate are prompting an exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they’ll soon be required to hunt, pray, and to agree with Bill O’Reilly and Glenn Beck.

Canadian border farmers say it’s not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.  “I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn,” said Southern Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold,exhausted and hungry. He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn’t have any, he left before I even got a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?”

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. He then installed loudspeakers that blared Rush Limbaugh across the fields. “Not real effective,” he said. “The liberals still got through and Rush annoyed the cows so much that they wouldn’t give any milk.”

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, and drive them across the border where they are simply left to fend for themselves. “A lot of these people are not prepared for our rugged conditions,” an Ontario border patrolman said. “I found one carload without a single bottle of imported drinking water. They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though.” When liberals are caught, they’re sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about plans being made to build re-education camps where liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have been disguised as senior citizens taking a bus trip to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans in powdered wig disguises, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizens about Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney to prove that they were alive in the ’50s. “If they can’t identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we become very suspicious about their age,” an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and are renting all the Michael Moore  movies. “I really feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can’t support them,” an Ottawa resident said. “How many art-history majors does one country need?”

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Biden met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals. A source close to President Obama said, “We’re going to have some Paul McCartney and Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might even put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out,” he said.

The US and Canada are not the only countries experiencing an influx of illegal immigrants crossing their southern borders. Check out this image from Vladikavkaz, Russia:

illegal-immigrants-in-russia

If the Theory of Global Worming is true, there’s going to be a massive influx of people from all regions south of the Arctic Circle, judging from the current migration patterns.

Sure, Canada has Molson’s and poutine, but I’m gonna stay put and watch the parade. By the way, The Manitoba Herald folded in 1877, there is no such person named Clive Runnels, and I am not the author of the quoted satirical article. Go figger.

I respectfully disagree: It wasn’t God who made liberals.

by 1389AD ( 19 Comments › )
Filed under Open thread, Progressives, Satire at February 15th, 2013 - 6:00 pm

So God Made a Liberal

Published on Feb 7, 2013 by soopermexican

A Tribute to Paul Harvey, a parody of the Superbowl “God Made A Farmer” commercial.

If you’d like to help us produce more conservative videos, donate here!
http://bit.ly/D0nateHere

Visit me at www.soopermexican.com!
and Matt Dawson at www.themorlockrevolt.com!!


Caturday: Kitty doesn’t like…

by 1389AD ( 135 Comments › )
Filed under Caturday, Music, Open thread at February 25th, 2012 - 4:30 pm

From YouTube:

(Warning: Sylvester likes to swear)

Uploaded by stevecash83 on Feb 18, 2011

Sylvester the talking kitty cat doesn’t like anything. When his owner asks him what he does like, constant “NO”s spark a little song, that of course, the kitty doesn’t like. By Stevecash83 flaggle claggle

(h/t: Johanna)


It only hurts when we laugh

by 1389AD ( 57 Comments › )
Filed under Barack Obama, Humor, Open thread at February 22nd, 2012 - 4:00 pm

Pilgrims vs. Obama
From Pookie’s Toons – click for more

Obama Zombies
From Motivationals.org

Obamacare Shovel Ready
From Zazzle


Jihad Awareness Month (Hat Tip: Barack Obama)

by 1389AD ( 45 Comments › )
Filed under Barack Obama, Dhimmitude, Islam, Muslim Brotherhood at December 10th, 2011 - 6:25 pm

This is both informative and FUNNY!

From YouTube:

Uploaded by on Dec 7, 2011

http://www.answeringmuslims.com/
After complaints from Muslim organizations, the Obama Administration is eliminating all counter-Jihad training in the U.S. government.


In a Yugo…

by 1389AD ( 91 Comments › )
Filed under Cars & Trucks, Open thread, Serbia at November 1st, 2011 - 5:00 pm

Basement Cat made me post this!

Top Gear dubs the Yugo 45 “the second worst car ever built.” More about Zastava Automobiles here.

Top Gear Yugo 45

Uploaded by MasterZeeeee on Aug 17, 2009

Kako su englezi opisali cuveni Yugo45. Auto je testirao Jeremy Clarkson, voditelj emisije TopGear. Ovo je njegov utisak o jedinom srpskom automobilu koji su ikada testirali.

The Yugo Sana a/k/a “Yugo Florida” got a much better review. The US/NATO wars against Serbia made it impossible to continue making and selling the car. The original Zastava factory was totally destroyed in the 1999 bombing of Serbia.

Old Top Gear 1990 – Yugo Sana

Uploaded by celticmadliam on Aug 11, 2010

Tiff Needell tests the new Yugo Sana. Taken from season 13 episode 2.

The Peugeot Concept BB1 is a mix between the Peugeot scooter and car. More at Topspeed.

Peugeot BB1 Promo Clip

Uploaded by worldcarfans on Sep 15, 2009

Peugeot has unveiled the BB1 Concept car which is not really a car. Dubbed “a totally new solution to the current and future needs of urban mobility”, the BB1 combines the utility of a car and the flexibility of a quad bike.

Jeremy Clarkson – “stupidest cars ever”

Uploaded by x4mmm on Aug 22, 2009

In a Yugo – A liberal guy n gal buy a Yugo (In the Ghetto)

Uploaded by tacoma5050 on Sep 22, 2006

A liberal guy and a liberal gal buy a Yugo. “In a Yugo” Lyrics:
As the snow flies

At a used car lot on the edge of town
A liberal guy and a liberal gal
Buy a Yugo

And they drive with pride

Cause if there’s one thing that this world needs
It’s environmental friends who’ll take the lead
In a Yugo

They say, “people don’t you understand
Those suburbans are ruining the land”
But they’ll wish they had a full size van one day
They point fingers at you and me
They say we’re too blind to see
But do we simply use our heads
And choose another way?

As those small wheels turn
Fifty miles to the gallon
And their knees on their chest
They’re gonna save enough gas
For all of the rest
In a Yugo

Then one day on the interstate
They suddenly lose control
They swerve to miss a baby duck
They’re squashed beneath a produce truck

But they drove with pride…

And as the crowds drive past a little flat car
You know they saved a lot of gas
But they didnt get far
In a Yugo

And as they’re trapped inside
At a used car lot on the other side of town
A liberal guy and a liberal gal
Buy a Yugo….

And they drive with pride…

Many viewers have posted comments stating that the car used in the video is not a Yugo. Unfortunately after several weeks of searching for a Yugo, one could not be located for filming. It was decided that instead of re-writing the song, to just go ahead and use another small car as the main idea behind the parody is not really about a Yugo. Apologies to all Yugo enthusiasts.


Malaise Redux

by 1389AD ( 68 Comments › )
Filed under Barack Obama, Economy, Energy, Environmentalism, Misery Index, Open thread at October 12th, 2011 - 5:00 pm

Jimmy O’Bama

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-tZq4CWLi0

Uploaded by captianusa on Jul 17, 2011
32nd anniv of Jimmy Carter’s “malaise” speech – Obama remix


Protest Sign Funnies

by 1389AD ( 30 Comments › )
Filed under Humor, Open thread at October 10th, 2011 - 11:30 am

Click on each thumbnail to access the original photo.

Protest sign: My arms are tired

Protest sign: I'm so angry I made a sign

Protest sign: Down with this sort of thing

Protest sign: It doesn't matter what this sign says. You'll call it racism anyway.

Protest sign: I'm only 11 - I can't pay for this crap!

Protest sign: I hate crowds

Protest sign (satire): If just one more person tells me to 'Get a Job'...

Protest signs: He's an idiot

Protest sign: Constitution found in a Dumpster behind the Capitol

Note: These are NOT from the recent “occupy everything” mob events. Not all of the signs are real – just funny.

 


Caturday Sunday Evening Edition: Cats in Motion

by 1389AD ( 64 Comments › )
Filed under Caturday, Open thread, Russia at August 28th, 2011 - 7:30 pm

Caturday: cat under blanketIt’s that day again…

The 1389 Blog team, myself included, has been putting up some grim fare on the blog lately, on the topic of man’s inhumanity to man. Some of it is too over-the-top horrifying to re-post on Blogmocracy. It has to be fully documented with photos, videos and eyewitness narratives, because nobody would believe it otherwise.

The dog ate my homeworkSuffice it to say that this effort has not put me into much of a mindset to do the usual Caturday post. I know what kind of nightmares I can expect to have tonight. I was tempted to claim that the dog ate my homework, and just let Caturday go for the week, but thought better of it on the grounds that we really need to lighten things up a bit.

This cat must have heard the can opener

At least I did tear myself away from the computer long enough to feed El Gato and La Gata. No, unlike the white cat gracefully rolling off the table, they don’t come running at the sound of an electric can opener, mainly because we live in a motorhome and have no room for such things. There’s no point in spending money on bulky motorized tools for tasks I can perform just as easily by hand. And nearly all cat food cans these days have pull-tab tops anyway.

How to put your cat in reverseThis animated .gif shows flagrant misuse of office supplies to torment an unfortunate kitty. This kitty may start looking for ways to make the human’s office supplies disappear.

Just sayin’.
 
 

Dog pounces on cat, cat chases dog
 
In this B&W .gif, the dog pounces on the cat, and the cat chases him down the road. It’s just some harmless play-fighting; good exercise for feline and canine friends. This is a mother dog who is feeding a nest of puppies somewhere; maybe she needs a break!
 
Orange cat runs on hind legs
 
From a Russian site:

Watch this fluffy orange cat run on his hind legs!
 
Cat runs between sheet and mattress

Have you ever changed your bed linens, only to find that your cat has gotten between your mattress and your fitted sheet? This is how it looks like from the cat’s perspective!


WANTED!

by savage ( 195 Comments › )
Filed under Barack Obama, Democratic Party, Open thread at July 31st, 2011 - 4:45 pm

219 Kenyan Shillings will buy a lot of Cheetos, I think.